Description:

All couples and couples therapies struggle with issues of mixed loyalties. At any given moment, do I choose my own fulfillment as an individual or do I yield to the needs of the relationship? Is it a zero-sum game in which one partner wins and one loses – and if not, how else can we think about it? This keynote address introduces a model integrating both attachment and differentiation in couples therapy through the idea of enlightened self-interest – taking care of yourself by taking care of the relationship – as well as a model of healthy sacrifice, which is missing in our contemporary, Narcissistic culture. Finally, the balance of I and We always plays out against the backdrop of Family of Origin. We bring to the present the models of relationship we grew up with and our loyalty to those early relationships. Dare we move beyond our own parents? Can we be happier than they were? Can we transform the legacy handed down to us? An intense case will be discussed and shown illustrating the therapist’s role in helping couples arrive at a vigorous balance of self and relationship by moving beyond their family of origin loyalties.

Educational Objectives:

1. Define the concept of; “Keeping a parent spiritual company.”
2. Describe how to apply an ecological perspective to relationships and couple’s therapy.
3. Explain how to move both men and women beyond their traditional codes into increased intimacy.

*Sessions may be edited for content and to preserve confidentiality*